OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
