I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
