3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
