Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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