I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
