so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
