Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
