Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
