He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
