I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
