go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
