sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
