we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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