Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
