when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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