hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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