I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
