im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
