I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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