his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
