no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
