so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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