I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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