I think my fart just growled at me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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