I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
