I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
