Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
