sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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