roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
