I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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