just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
