I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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