On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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