You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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