Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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