You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
