so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
