OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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