this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
