If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
