im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
