i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
