you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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