I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize