I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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