Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
