nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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