Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
