how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
