i need an iv and a liver transplant
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
