I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
