I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your cock deserves a montage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
