i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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