your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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