just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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