I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
