I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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