Do you still have your period?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
