So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
