At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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