pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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