I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
