:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
